Sunday, January 11, 2015

Day 85

DOSE: 140 mg Baclofen (35/35/35/35); 300 mg Bupropion SR (150/150).

OTHER MEDICATION(S): Multivitamin (1 tablet); Fish Oil (1 capsule)

SIDE EFFECTS: Decreased alcohol cravings

I have had some frightening thoughts over the past few days related to my self-administered high-dose baclofen treatment. I realized for the first time that I hadn't even thought about how or when I would be tapering off of baclofen, and whether or not that would be difficult. I'm now up to 140 mg/day, and I must say my cravings are practically nonexistent. However, I'm just afraid that if I continue for too long it could be a nightmare to get off of baclofen. I read some articles and blog threads recently of people who had horrendous experiences attempting to taper off of the drug, and some had severe health consequences which led them to hospitals, psych wards etc. What I'm saying is that I may have scared myself out of this venture, and I think I need to start working down my dose before I develop a high tolerance. It's unfortunate because I really think I might be close to reaching a point of complete suppression of alcohol cravings. The potential for danger just seems too great for me to continue for several more months or even a year. Also, I'm starting my next semester of school in a few days, and I want to make sure I'm mentally prepared for it. Baclofen also makes my muscles fatigue extremely easily, which makes working out far more challenging. Honestly I've reached a tolerance to the point where I have no negative side effects whatsoever other than muscle weakness, but it still seems risky.

Overall, baclofen seems to have helped immensely for my alcohol cravings, but I need to lower my dose so that I can more successfully do other things in life. I'm planning on asking my doctor about being put on Antabuse, so that I won't really have the option of drinking without horrific vomiting and nausea. If my cravings return and reach an unbearable level, I will obviously taper down at a much slower rate. As of now, I'm planning on reducing my dose by 10 mg every three days. Perhaps somewhere down the line I will attempt to reach my "switch," and perhaps sometime in the near future they will create a modified version of baclofen for alcohol dependence and addiction, but for now I must be more cautious and make sure that my "experiment" doesn't end up costing me in the long run. I've been sober almost four months now, and I credit baclofen for that. In the end, my conclusion is that baclofen is highly effective in alleviating cravings, but it comes with the risk of developing physical dependence and it hinders one's ability to do other things. I may decide to start up again, and maybe I'm just freaked out after reading some of the horror stories of other people's experiences, but I think it's best for me to taper down. I'll post more about my experiences tapering down as well.

Thursday, January 1, 2015

Day 75

DOSE: 120 mg Baclofen (30/30/30/30); 300 mg Bupropion SR (150/150).

OTHER MEDICATION(S): Multivitamin (1 tablet); Fish Oil (1 capsule)

SIDE EFFECTS: Decreased alcohol cravings; slight headache

I tapered off of my gabapentin over the past couple weeks, and I haven't noticed any significant difference without it. As I dropped in gabapentin dose I did have an increased urge to drink, but as I began to once again increase my baclofen, the cravings diminished. I've definitely still been having cravings, and I'm just not sure how baclofen alone can make me feel "indifferent" towards alcohol. I have become pretty reclusive, mainly because I have a hard time making friends as a sober college guy. I know that I need to branch out and make more friends in order to feel better about sobriety, but it has been difficult. I don't even know how to begin, and I've grown accustomed to living a very independent lifestyle. The days are extremely familiar and occasionally monotonous, but I'm still sober and that means I'm giving myself a chance to change my life. Baclofen will not make my life better. However it has made cravings considerably easier to deal with, and it's allowed me to focus on other aspects of my life. The bupropion has definitely also helped with elevating my mood and giving me more energy during the day. I will be starting my next semester of school in a couple of weeks, and I'm both excited and apprehensive about it. I think it's going to help a lot for me to fill my days and be more productive, but I'm unsure as to how baclofen will effect my abilities. If it proves to be much of a problem, I'm going to have to reduce the dose. The hard part about being sober is the fact that I no longer have an excuse to fail at life. I now have to realize that big changes have to take place in order for me to be happy, and it's a daunting thought. I'm planning to attend a SMART recovery meeting soon, and to start volunteering on my days off of school. In order to get out of myself I think I really need to begin helping other people and exploring the world. I've lived in my new city for nearly a year and a half, and I haven't explored much of it. I guess this blog entry has turned into more of a diary haha. Anyways, I've been sober for roughly three and a half months, and my life is getting better whether I choose to acknowledge it or not. It is my responsibility to take advantage of my new freedoms and what I choose to do with my life.

"God will not have his work made manifest by cowards." - Ralph Waldo Emerson