Hey anyone,
As anyone who read my last post would probably have guessed, I drank a couple weeks ago for the first time in quite a while. I was tired of feeling cornered, boxed in, and afraid to live my life. I knew for a fact that at least half of my alcohol dependence was due to my exposure to treatment; prior to being introduced to rehab, 12-step 'treatment' and abstinence-only models, my drinking was harmful, but not extreme. Post-rehab, however, my drinking was completely out of control. I have also always had trouble with the disease model and the chronic/progressive/irreversible ideas related to addiction. So anyways, a little over two weeks ago I chose to drink again. I had one beer, and it was good. The all-too-familiar feelings returned, and I felt warm, slightly foggy, and not as sharp as I had been used to being. I had only the one beer, and I did not really want another since I had chores and work the next day. It was so anti-climactic--the biggest thing my return to drinking showed me is that it wasn't necessarily alcohol that I wanted so badly, it was the freedom to choose it. I thought to myself, "wow what was the big deal? Alcohol really isn't that special." I had forgotten that all alcohol does is make your brain feel a little fuzzier, everything else is the same. You are in the same room with the same people doing the same things.
I drank for the second time this past Friday night. I had four drinks over the course of about three and a half hours. I never felt "drunk" or sloppy, and I woke up with no hangover. I have been adopting and implementing moderation management techniques for my drinking. No more than one drink every 30 minutes, no more than 3-4 drinks in a night, no more than two nights per week, no drinking alone, in the mornings, etc. My experience on Friday was somewhat of an eye-opener. For over a year I had been occasionally going to bars but never drinking, and I always felt left out. If only I had alcohol in my system, I thought, then I would fit in and everything about this situation would be perfect! However, as it turns out, that is not the case. I still felt slightly out of place and uncomfortable. I think I have just changed as a person, and I am not satisfied just sitting around at a bar chatting about nothing and roughly grabbing one another's shoulders and saying in a loud, drunken voice, "I care about you bro!" I did notice that after about my third drink I had a slight return of cigarette cravings. I haven't had a cigarette in about 10 months, so that was a little disconcerting. Turns out alcohol wasn't the cure-all I had imagined in my mind all of those months sober, but it feels really nice to have the freedom of choice back.
Part of me is afraid, though. Alcohol has just had such a damaging effect on my life in the past, that it's almost impossible to shake the feeling off and to unlearn the conditioning I spent tens of thousands of dollars having programmed into me. It still makes me so mad that we spend thousands upon thousands of dollars paying for rehabilitation and all we get is some therapy, an AA book, and 12-step meetings. I can obviously see why they do it, though. What treatment center would spend tons of money giving its patients expensive medication, costly evidence-based individual therapy and psychiatry sessions, and state-of-the-art technology when they could charge just as much and simply let AA members come in for free and host a meeting? The part that makes me sick is that it's almost 2016 and no one has called them out on it. It needs to change, because people are dying.
Anyways, I will keep the internet posted on my progress (or lack thereof). I see the risks of drinking. Part of me is convinced to quit again right now just because alcohol actually isn't that great. I will see how it goes, though. For now, my drinking is perfectly under control and I am showing no signs of dependence or harmful drinking. Fingers crossed. This is my experiment to the world. For better or for worse, I will get to the bottom of this alcohol business.
Sunday, October 25, 2015
Monday, October 12, 2015
Over a Year Sober, but Questioning
Well, I apologize to anyone who attempted to contact me. I once again completely forgot about this blog, but will update with my most recent progress. By the way, finding a doctor to prescribe baclofen for the purpose of craving cessation is just a matter of perseverance. Many doctors are stuck and plagued by 12-step dogma and the idea that there is only one way to overcome addiction. And that is a harmful message that destroys lives. Doctors who fail to treat patients with the best available medications and treatments should be ashamed of themselves.
I no longer take any medication. I quit baclofen about two months ago, and I quit Wellbutrin roughly two weeks ago. Life has been very good. I haven't had a cigarette in over nine months, and it's been almost 13 months since I've drank or used any recreational drugs. I have entered into a committed relationship, and I'm still doing well in school. I now work full-time and I'm in excellent physical health. I take daily vitamins and fish oil and other healthy natural supplements that I believe have expedited my physiological recovery. My life has completely changed, and I still credit that largely to baclofen.
Baclofen seems like a distant memory. I crave alcohol occasionally, but it isn't difficult to avoid it. I go to bars with friends and just order a Coke or something. It's really not a big deal. To the people who are struggling, I really hope this post is not off-putting. I respect anyone's individual opinion, and I believe that anyone in active alcoholism/addiction should abstain from alcohol and drugs for a significant period of time. I would like to preface what I'm about to write by saying that I believe abstinence is the most effective way to change one's life for the better. Extensive abstinence is necessary to allow the body to heal itself and the brain to repair. But I have done an incredible amount of research because I still do not believe that alcoholism is an irreversible, incurable, black-and-white "disease." It has always felt wrong to me. There is just too much contradiction.
Take, for example, the Cohen et al. (1971) study which demonstrated that alcoholic patients had the ability to control their drinking if provided sufficient incentives.
http://www.bettertxoutcomes.org/bettertxoutcomes/PDF/Kellog-Stitzer.pdf
I no longer take any medication. I quit baclofen about two months ago, and I quit Wellbutrin roughly two weeks ago. Life has been very good. I haven't had a cigarette in over nine months, and it's been almost 13 months since I've drank or used any recreational drugs. I have entered into a committed relationship, and I'm still doing well in school. I now work full-time and I'm in excellent physical health. I take daily vitamins and fish oil and other healthy natural supplements that I believe have expedited my physiological recovery. My life has completely changed, and I still credit that largely to baclofen.
Baclofen seems like a distant memory. I crave alcohol occasionally, but it isn't difficult to avoid it. I go to bars with friends and just order a Coke or something. It's really not a big deal. To the people who are struggling, I really hope this post is not off-putting. I respect anyone's individual opinion, and I believe that anyone in active alcoholism/addiction should abstain from alcohol and drugs for a significant period of time. I would like to preface what I'm about to write by saying that I believe abstinence is the most effective way to change one's life for the better. Extensive abstinence is necessary to allow the body to heal itself and the brain to repair. But I have done an incredible amount of research because I still do not believe that alcoholism is an irreversible, incurable, black-and-white "disease." It has always felt wrong to me. There is just too much contradiction.
Take, for example, the Cohen et al. (1971) study which demonstrated that alcoholic patients had the ability to control their drinking if provided sufficient incentives.
http://www.bettertxoutcomes.org/bettertxoutcomes/PDF/Kellog-Stitzer.pdf
“The studies by Cohen et al. (1971) demonstrated that
alcoholics could maintain control over their drinking if appropriate
contingencies were in place that supported non-alcoholic patterns of alcohol
ingestion.”
The above statement
would not be possible if alcoholism were a brain disease characterized by
immediate and sustained loss of control. The Cohen et al. (1971) study
demonstrates that alcoholics DO HAVE willpower if appropriate incentives are
put in place. Again, this would not be possible based on the disease theory of
alcoholism.
Take the next example of a Johns Hopkins study which demonstrated the same effect:
In a five-week experiment, inpatient subjects were given the
option to drink up to 10 ounces of alcohol every weekday. Every other week, the subjects were given
access to an improved environment – including telephone, television, pool
table, games, and reading materials – provided they drank fewer than 5 ounces
of alcohol for the day. If the subject
exceeded that amount, he was put in a more Spartan environment and was not
allowed to drink the following day. On
the alternate weeks, the subjects remained in ascetic environments no matter
how much they drank. All five subjects
drank less during the weeks when privileges were available than during the
weeks when no privileges were available.
A 1977 review of scientific literature cited 58 studies that
have corroborated the finding that alcoholic drinking is a function of
"environmental contingencies."
Again, these studies
CANNOT be possible if alcoholism triggers a complete loss of control and willpower and is a legitimate neurological malady!!
We quit because we have sufficient incentives to quit. No
scientist or alcohol researcher can point to a specific time at which the power
of choice is regained. Obviously, at some point alcoholics can choose not to
drink alcohol, despite the fact that they supposedly have a brain disease that
requires them to drink until their lives fall apart. What is also clear is that
alcoholics can go several days without drinking given sufficient circumstances. A common story you will hear in 12-step rooms is that a person relapsed for "one night." And then they abstained again for several months or years. That one night means that a person with a supposed disease controlled his or her drinking. That is because choice is never truly lost. Yes, when a person is physically
and psychologically dependent on a substance, he chooses to take that substance
to alleviate extreme discomfort. The key word in the previous sentence is that
he chooses
to take the substance. Any reasonable person who is in agony will
alleviate herself if the antidote is within reach. A person who is physically
and/or psychologically dependent on a substance most likely will need to
abstain from the substance for a period of time in order to regain control and
establish sufficient incentives to fix the problem behavior. The most important
thing for a dependent person to do is to realize that they have agency
in their life; the substance is not magic, and your desire for it is
not illogical. The most difficult thing for a person to do is to forget
everything about the “irreversibility” and the harmful label and the false notion
that the brain is hard-wired and will never return to “normal.” This is all
12-step, $45 billion a year treatment-industry dogma that was birthed out of the temperance and
prohibition eras. Almost 80 percent of people at inpatient treatment centers are not first-timers; treatment programs are designed to get repeat customers. It stems from religious zeal and the scare tactics used to
keep children from consuming drugs and alcohol. The brain does get conditioned
to pursue pleasurable activities, but all studies have found that after roughly
14 months brain functioning returns to near-normal levels in all respects.
Brain imaging shows this with methamphetamine users: (https://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/research-reports/methamphetamine/what-are-long-term-effects-methamphetamine-abuse).
In conclusion, please choose your own path. Perhaps abstinence is the right choice, but it shouldn't feel like the only choice. It should feel like an option. If you do decide to change your life, try staying sober for six months or a year. Create a real plan for moderation and put things in place to make it happen. Wait until you have reached a worthwhile place in life (have a job, a family, etc.). Please do not
let the identity of alcoholic or addict consume your entire life. Those who
have lived in AA for a long period of time are going to have the most difficult
time because their entire world view has been corroborated by other “alcoholics”
who have bought into the idea that they are completely powerless. My drinking became 10 times worse after being exposed to rehab and AA. Perhaps this is completely false. Perhaps I will be too scared to drink again. But as of right now this is how I feel. I think I have been psychologically corrupted by the idea that I have no agency whatsoever.
If I do decide to drink again, I will be sure to share my experiences as objectively as possible. Sorry for the longest post of all time.
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Seven Months on Baclofen
DOSE: Baclofen 45 mg (10/10/10/15); Bupropion 300 mg (150/150).
Wow, I had completely forgotten about this blog! Guess I should give an update so anyone who reads this knows I'm alive and well. I have been sober for eight months, and taking baclofen for seven of those eight months. I have tapered my dose down to 45 mg per day, and I experience practically no side effects. Since I had grown accustomed to high doses of baclofen, it is still occasionally difficult to fall asleep at night. I tapered my dose down pretty slowly, and stayed at 50mg until my semester ended. Baclofen has been amazing for maintaining abstinence. My life has completely changed. I was taking 19 units at my university, and working full-time, and I received As in all of my classes. I have already been offered full-time employment at two different companies, and things are just going great. I don't attend Alcoholic's Anonymous or any other support group. I do see a therapist once every two or three weeks, and that has helped me quite a bit. My mind is clear, and I'm really glad I lowered my dose to a manageable level because it would have been pretty rough to get off of it had my body grown accustomed to extremely high doses. I do have "cravings" every now and then, but that's life I guess. They are by no means overwhelming, and I can quickly brush them off and get on with my day. I also quit smoking cigarettes. It's been over four months since I've smoked, and I'm extremely grateful for that.
I know that many people are attempting to use baclofen to try and drink normally. Trust me, I get it. Initially, that was my plan as well. But alcohol has caused so much damage and pain in my life that I have just accepted the fact that I can't drink it. The very fact that I want to drink something that has ruined my life tells me that my brain responds differently than others to alcohol. I have heard a couple amazing stories about high dose baclofen completely changing a person's life and allowing that person to "drink normally." But for every one of those stories, there are 10 stories of people who have had a nightmarish ride with baclofen, and they continue to drink alcoholically. Baclofen has truly changed my life, and allowed me to maintain my sobriety my own way. I finally have the ability to choose my own path instead of being force-fed something I don't believe in. I am not saying alcoholics should avoid baclofen, but I do think we should be safe about what we put into our bodies. Buying baclofen on the internet and taking 300mg every day is not a safe solution, no matter what one reads on an online study. I will try to keep people updated. I hope that everyone finds a way out of the alcoholic pit, because it's truly a horrible way to live. I hope that I can continue on the way I have been, but I never assume I am "cured."
Wow, I had completely forgotten about this blog! Guess I should give an update so anyone who reads this knows I'm alive and well. I have been sober for eight months, and taking baclofen for seven of those eight months. I have tapered my dose down to 45 mg per day, and I experience practically no side effects. Since I had grown accustomed to high doses of baclofen, it is still occasionally difficult to fall asleep at night. I tapered my dose down pretty slowly, and stayed at 50mg until my semester ended. Baclofen has been amazing for maintaining abstinence. My life has completely changed. I was taking 19 units at my university, and working full-time, and I received As in all of my classes. I have already been offered full-time employment at two different companies, and things are just going great. I don't attend Alcoholic's Anonymous or any other support group. I do see a therapist once every two or three weeks, and that has helped me quite a bit. My mind is clear, and I'm really glad I lowered my dose to a manageable level because it would have been pretty rough to get off of it had my body grown accustomed to extremely high doses. I do have "cravings" every now and then, but that's life I guess. They are by no means overwhelming, and I can quickly brush them off and get on with my day. I also quit smoking cigarettes. It's been over four months since I've smoked, and I'm extremely grateful for that.
I know that many people are attempting to use baclofen to try and drink normally. Trust me, I get it. Initially, that was my plan as well. But alcohol has caused so much damage and pain in my life that I have just accepted the fact that I can't drink it. The very fact that I want to drink something that has ruined my life tells me that my brain responds differently than others to alcohol. I have heard a couple amazing stories about high dose baclofen completely changing a person's life and allowing that person to "drink normally." But for every one of those stories, there are 10 stories of people who have had a nightmarish ride with baclofen, and they continue to drink alcoholically. Baclofen has truly changed my life, and allowed me to maintain my sobriety my own way. I finally have the ability to choose my own path instead of being force-fed something I don't believe in. I am not saying alcoholics should avoid baclofen, but I do think we should be safe about what we put into our bodies. Buying baclofen on the internet and taking 300mg every day is not a safe solution, no matter what one reads on an online study. I will try to keep people updated. I hope that everyone finds a way out of the alcoholic pit, because it's truly a horrible way to live. I hope that I can continue on the way I have been, but I never assume I am "cured."
Sunday, January 11, 2015
Day 85
DOSE: 140 mg Baclofen (35/35/35/35); 300 mg Bupropion SR (150/150).
OTHER MEDICATION(S): Multivitamin (1 tablet); Fish Oil (1 capsule)
SIDE EFFECTS: Decreased alcohol cravings
I have had some frightening thoughts over the past few days related to my self-administered high-dose baclofen treatment. I realized for the first time that I hadn't even thought about how or when I would be tapering off of baclofen, and whether or not that would be difficult. I'm now up to 140 mg/day, and I must say my cravings are practically nonexistent. However, I'm just afraid that if I continue for too long it could be a nightmare to get off of baclofen. I read some articles and blog threads recently of people who had horrendous experiences attempting to taper off of the drug, and some had severe health consequences which led them to hospitals, psych wards etc. What I'm saying is that I may have scared myself out of this venture, and I think I need to start working down my dose before I develop a high tolerance. It's unfortunate because I really think I might be close to reaching a point of complete suppression of alcohol cravings. The potential for danger just seems too great for me to continue for several more months or even a year. Also, I'm starting my next semester of school in a few days, and I want to make sure I'm mentally prepared for it. Baclofen also makes my muscles fatigue extremely easily, which makes working out far more challenging. Honestly I've reached a tolerance to the point where I have no negative side effects whatsoever other than muscle weakness, but it still seems risky.
Overall, baclofen seems to have helped immensely for my alcohol cravings, but I need to lower my dose so that I can more successfully do other things in life. I'm planning on asking my doctor about being put on Antabuse, so that I won't really have the option of drinking without horrific vomiting and nausea. If my cravings return and reach an unbearable level, I will obviously taper down at a much slower rate. As of now, I'm planning on reducing my dose by 10 mg every three days. Perhaps somewhere down the line I will attempt to reach my "switch," and perhaps sometime in the near future they will create a modified version of baclofen for alcohol dependence and addiction, but for now I must be more cautious and make sure that my "experiment" doesn't end up costing me in the long run. I've been sober almost four months now, and I credit baclofen for that. In the end, my conclusion is that baclofen is highly effective in alleviating cravings, but it comes with the risk of developing physical dependence and it hinders one's ability to do other things. I may decide to start up again, and maybe I'm just freaked out after reading some of the horror stories of other people's experiences, but I think it's best for me to taper down. I'll post more about my experiences tapering down as well.
OTHER MEDICATION(S): Multivitamin (1 tablet); Fish Oil (1 capsule)
SIDE EFFECTS: Decreased alcohol cravings
I have had some frightening thoughts over the past few days related to my self-administered high-dose baclofen treatment. I realized for the first time that I hadn't even thought about how or when I would be tapering off of baclofen, and whether or not that would be difficult. I'm now up to 140 mg/day, and I must say my cravings are practically nonexistent. However, I'm just afraid that if I continue for too long it could be a nightmare to get off of baclofen. I read some articles and blog threads recently of people who had horrendous experiences attempting to taper off of the drug, and some had severe health consequences which led them to hospitals, psych wards etc. What I'm saying is that I may have scared myself out of this venture, and I think I need to start working down my dose before I develop a high tolerance. It's unfortunate because I really think I might be close to reaching a point of complete suppression of alcohol cravings. The potential for danger just seems too great for me to continue for several more months or even a year. Also, I'm starting my next semester of school in a few days, and I want to make sure I'm mentally prepared for it. Baclofen also makes my muscles fatigue extremely easily, which makes working out far more challenging. Honestly I've reached a tolerance to the point where I have no negative side effects whatsoever other than muscle weakness, but it still seems risky.
Overall, baclofen seems to have helped immensely for my alcohol cravings, but I need to lower my dose so that I can more successfully do other things in life. I'm planning on asking my doctor about being put on Antabuse, so that I won't really have the option of drinking without horrific vomiting and nausea. If my cravings return and reach an unbearable level, I will obviously taper down at a much slower rate. As of now, I'm planning on reducing my dose by 10 mg every three days. Perhaps somewhere down the line I will attempt to reach my "switch," and perhaps sometime in the near future they will create a modified version of baclofen for alcohol dependence and addiction, but for now I must be more cautious and make sure that my "experiment" doesn't end up costing me in the long run. I've been sober almost four months now, and I credit baclofen for that. In the end, my conclusion is that baclofen is highly effective in alleviating cravings, but it comes with the risk of developing physical dependence and it hinders one's ability to do other things. I may decide to start up again, and maybe I'm just freaked out after reading some of the horror stories of other people's experiences, but I think it's best for me to taper down. I'll post more about my experiences tapering down as well.
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Day 75
DOSE: 120 mg Baclofen (30/30/30/30); 300 mg Bupropion SR (150/150).
OTHER MEDICATION(S): Multivitamin (1 tablet); Fish Oil (1 capsule)
SIDE EFFECTS: Decreased alcohol cravings; slight headache
I tapered off of my gabapentin over the past couple weeks, and I haven't noticed any significant difference without it. As I dropped in gabapentin dose I did have an increased urge to drink, but as I began to once again increase my baclofen, the cravings diminished. I've definitely still been having cravings, and I'm just not sure how baclofen alone can make me feel "indifferent" towards alcohol. I have become pretty reclusive, mainly because I have a hard time making friends as a sober college guy. I know that I need to branch out and make more friends in order to feel better about sobriety, but it has been difficult. I don't even know how to begin, and I've grown accustomed to living a very independent lifestyle. The days are extremely familiar and occasionally monotonous, but I'm still sober and that means I'm giving myself a chance to change my life. Baclofen will not make my life better. However it has made cravings considerably easier to deal with, and it's allowed me to focus on other aspects of my life. The bupropion has definitely also helped with elevating my mood and giving me more energy during the day. I will be starting my next semester of school in a couple of weeks, and I'm both excited and apprehensive about it. I think it's going to help a lot for me to fill my days and be more productive, but I'm unsure as to how baclofen will effect my abilities. If it proves to be much of a problem, I'm going to have to reduce the dose. The hard part about being sober is the fact that I no longer have an excuse to fail at life. I now have to realize that big changes have to take place in order for me to be happy, and it's a daunting thought. I'm planning to attend a SMART recovery meeting soon, and to start volunteering on my days off of school. In order to get out of myself I think I really need to begin helping other people and exploring the world. I've lived in my new city for nearly a year and a half, and I haven't explored much of it. I guess this blog entry has turned into more of a diary haha. Anyways, I've been sober for roughly three and a half months, and my life is getting better whether I choose to acknowledge it or not. It is my responsibility to take advantage of my new freedoms and what I choose to do with my life.
"God will not have his work made manifest by cowards." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
OTHER MEDICATION(S): Multivitamin (1 tablet); Fish Oil (1 capsule)
SIDE EFFECTS: Decreased alcohol cravings; slight headache
I tapered off of my gabapentin over the past couple weeks, and I haven't noticed any significant difference without it. As I dropped in gabapentin dose I did have an increased urge to drink, but as I began to once again increase my baclofen, the cravings diminished. I've definitely still been having cravings, and I'm just not sure how baclofen alone can make me feel "indifferent" towards alcohol. I have become pretty reclusive, mainly because I have a hard time making friends as a sober college guy. I know that I need to branch out and make more friends in order to feel better about sobriety, but it has been difficult. I don't even know how to begin, and I've grown accustomed to living a very independent lifestyle. The days are extremely familiar and occasionally monotonous, but I'm still sober and that means I'm giving myself a chance to change my life. Baclofen will not make my life better. However it has made cravings considerably easier to deal with, and it's allowed me to focus on other aspects of my life. The bupropion has definitely also helped with elevating my mood and giving me more energy during the day. I will be starting my next semester of school in a couple of weeks, and I'm both excited and apprehensive about it. I think it's going to help a lot for me to fill my days and be more productive, but I'm unsure as to how baclofen will effect my abilities. If it proves to be much of a problem, I'm going to have to reduce the dose. The hard part about being sober is the fact that I no longer have an excuse to fail at life. I now have to realize that big changes have to take place in order for me to be happy, and it's a daunting thought. I'm planning to attend a SMART recovery meeting soon, and to start volunteering on my days off of school. In order to get out of myself I think I really need to begin helping other people and exploring the world. I've lived in my new city for nearly a year and a half, and I haven't explored much of it. I guess this blog entry has turned into more of a diary haha. Anyways, I've been sober for roughly three and a half months, and my life is getting better whether I choose to acknowledge it or not. It is my responsibility to take advantage of my new freedoms and what I choose to do with my life.
"God will not have his work made manifest by cowards." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Sunday, December 21, 2014
Day 64
DOSE: 100 mg Baclofen (25/25/25/25); 900 mg Gabapentin (300/300/300); 300 mg Bupropion SR (150/150).
SIDE EFFECTS: Decreased alcohol cravings.
I'm sorry for not updating my blog more often. After beginning gabapentin I stopped increasing my baclofen dose, and therefore felt I was no longer living up to the blog's title. I had to take a makeup final exam earlier this week, and I think I did well on it. In order to study more successfully for my exam, I cut my gabapentin dose in half. I did this also because I couldn't tell if gabapentin was making a difference in my alcohol cravings. The wellbutrin (bupropion) has been effective at giving me more energy during the day, and since I've been at the same baclofen dose for several weeks now I am experiencing literally no side effects from it, or from any of the other medications. After I reduced my gabapentin dose, I initally noticed a slight return of cravings, but that has since diminished. By no means have I reached the highly sought after "indifference" to alcohol. I still have drinking urges, but they have not yet been severe by any means. I haven't had any moment that I would consider a "close call", and I'm able to function productively. In the next few days I may stop taking gabapentin completely, and start slowly increasing my baclofen dose once again. I've been sober for over three months now, and I'm proud of that. Reaching this point is not new to me, but it's definitely worthwhile. However I need to continue to work on the social and psychological aspects of alcoholism, and start to branch out and find support networks. I'll be starting my next semester of classes in the coming weeks, and that will surely bring about quite a bit of stress and anxiety. So hopefully I can have a network of supportive people in place by the time school starts. Aside from that, not too much to report. I'm back home once again for the holidays, which is always stressful. But it is good to see my family again. Back in Arizona I've become somewhat reclusive, and I know that I need to change that habit in order to maintain enjoyable sobriety. It is good to know that if I stick to one dose of baclofen for long enough I can reach a point where I feel no side effects other than reduced alcohol cravings.
Hope everyone has a happy holidays!
SIDE EFFECTS: Decreased alcohol cravings.
I'm sorry for not updating my blog more often. After beginning gabapentin I stopped increasing my baclofen dose, and therefore felt I was no longer living up to the blog's title. I had to take a makeup final exam earlier this week, and I think I did well on it. In order to study more successfully for my exam, I cut my gabapentin dose in half. I did this also because I couldn't tell if gabapentin was making a difference in my alcohol cravings. The wellbutrin (bupropion) has been effective at giving me more energy during the day, and since I've been at the same baclofen dose for several weeks now I am experiencing literally no side effects from it, or from any of the other medications. After I reduced my gabapentin dose, I initally noticed a slight return of cravings, but that has since diminished. By no means have I reached the highly sought after "indifference" to alcohol. I still have drinking urges, but they have not yet been severe by any means. I haven't had any moment that I would consider a "close call", and I'm able to function productively. In the next few days I may stop taking gabapentin completely, and start slowly increasing my baclofen dose once again. I've been sober for over three months now, and I'm proud of that. Reaching this point is not new to me, but it's definitely worthwhile. However I need to continue to work on the social and psychological aspects of alcoholism, and start to branch out and find support networks. I'll be starting my next semester of classes in the coming weeks, and that will surely bring about quite a bit of stress and anxiety. So hopefully I can have a network of supportive people in place by the time school starts. Aside from that, not too much to report. I'm back home once again for the holidays, which is always stressful. But it is good to see my family again. Back in Arizona I've become somewhat reclusive, and I know that I need to change that habit in order to maintain enjoyable sobriety. It is good to know that if I stick to one dose of baclofen for long enough I can reach a point where I feel no side effects other than reduced alcohol cravings.
Hope everyone has a happy holidays!
Saturday, December 6, 2014
Day 49
DOSE: 100 mg Baclofen (25/10/20/20/25); 1,800 mg Gabapentin (600/600/600); 300 mg Bupropion SR (150/150).
OTHER MEDICATION(S): Multivitamin (1 tablet); Fish Oil (1 capsule).
SIDE EFFECTS: Short-term memory lapses; mild anxiety; slightly decreased alcohol cravings.
Well now I'm on quite a cocktail of medications. After meeting with my psychiatrist a few days ago, we decided to add Wellbutrin (generic Bupropion) to the mix to combat tiredness and memory problems. He was reluctant to prescribe a stimulant (for good reason), and so far bupropion has most definitely helped with tiredness. I've been researching gabapentin, and memory problems is not a listed side effect. Perhaps it's just a lack of focus and motivation that is causing me to have trouble retaining information. The reason I took an extra 10 mg today is because I was feeling really anxious and having some cravings. It's kind of frightening that my cravings are returning, and I'm not sure what's causing it. The past couple days it's been pretty bad, but I am able to recall how terrible my life was when drinking and could easily say no. For about the first month out of treatment my cravings were practically nonexistent, so I'm thinking that gabapentin may actually be making things worse. For now I'm just going to continue doing what I'm doing and hope that things get better as my body continues to adjust to these medications.
I finally stopped procrastinating on an assignment that I had to complete in order to finish one of my makeup classes, and that has helped to alleviate some pressure at least. However I still have the big exam to take, and that continues to cause a lot of stress. I'm still sober which is obviously the most important part, and I plan to stay that way. The side effects have pretty much all abated, except for the ones I've listed above. Regardless of anything, I'm extremely happy about the fact that medications for alcoholism are being researched and tested. I'll post more later!
OTHER MEDICATION(S): Multivitamin (1 tablet); Fish Oil (1 capsule).
SIDE EFFECTS: Short-term memory lapses; mild anxiety; slightly decreased alcohol cravings.
Well now I'm on quite a cocktail of medications. After meeting with my psychiatrist a few days ago, we decided to add Wellbutrin (generic Bupropion) to the mix to combat tiredness and memory problems. He was reluctant to prescribe a stimulant (for good reason), and so far bupropion has most definitely helped with tiredness. I've been researching gabapentin, and memory problems is not a listed side effect. Perhaps it's just a lack of focus and motivation that is causing me to have trouble retaining information. The reason I took an extra 10 mg today is because I was feeling really anxious and having some cravings. It's kind of frightening that my cravings are returning, and I'm not sure what's causing it. The past couple days it's been pretty bad, but I am able to recall how terrible my life was when drinking and could easily say no. For about the first month out of treatment my cravings were practically nonexistent, so I'm thinking that gabapentin may actually be making things worse. For now I'm just going to continue doing what I'm doing and hope that things get better as my body continues to adjust to these medications.
I finally stopped procrastinating on an assignment that I had to complete in order to finish one of my makeup classes, and that has helped to alleviate some pressure at least. However I still have the big exam to take, and that continues to cause a lot of stress. I'm still sober which is obviously the most important part, and I plan to stay that way. The side effects have pretty much all abated, except for the ones I've listed above. Regardless of anything, I'm extremely happy about the fact that medications for alcoholism are being researched and tested. I'll post more later!
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