Monday, November 30, 2015


Well, things had been going pretty well, but I had a one-night binge last night. Sundays have been notoriously challenging for me; always having work that needs doing and having tons of free time. I drank alone, which is something I told myself I would not do under my new rules. Not sure what happened.

I woke up feeling absolutely terrible. I don't even understand how I was drinking like that every day before. The world felt so much smaller, and once again I felt helpless and trapped. I am glad that I did that, though, because it showed me what I value in life. I am in a great relationship with a person I love, and I have money and a job and good grades and family. I refuse to throw it all away for that feeling. Being incredibly hungover is one of the worst feelings imaginable because there is no escape from it. It horrified me, and I will never go back to that place in my life.

If anything like that happens again I am going to quit drinking again for good. I am definitely not drinking alone, and I will find things to occupy my time on Sundays. I worked all day and felt terrible all day. I still feel pretty crappy almost 24 hours later. It's so bizarre because my drinking felt more like a compulsion than any real desire. I am starting to think that alcohol problems are the result of OCD or something similar. I still don't buy the disease model because that term is so vague.

Anyways, figured I should be honest about my experiences so far. Last night's experience scared me, and I will use it to propel me forward.

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